blue98neon
09-10-2007, 10:13 AM
You might be a redneck if the Bluebook value of your truck changes with the amount of gas you have in it!
You could be a redneck if you were just married and you have nothing but empty Skoal cans strung from your bumper as you leave the church.
-What's the last thing a redneck says before he dies?
Hey! Watch this...
You might be a redneck if your baby's first words were, "Attention, K-mart shoppers."
You might be a redneck if you have ever vacationed in a highway rest area.
-How does a redneck take a bubblebath?
With water, bubblebath liquid and a Jeff Foxworthy CD.
You might be a redneck if you like to brag you learned to fire a shotgun before you could walk!
You might be a redneck if your grandma goes to the bathroom and comes out yelling "Come look before I flush it!"
You might be a redneck if you see a sign that says ''Just Say No To Crack'' and it reminds you to pull up your pants!
You might be a redneck if you go to your family reunion to meet women.
You know you're a redneck if you do all of your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.
You might be a redneck if you think loading the dishwasher means getting the wife drunk!
You might be a redneck if it takes two twinkies, a beer and your sister to get to second base.
You might be a redneck if your mother has ammo on her Christmas list!
You might be a redneck if you lit a match in your bathroom it blew your house off its wheels!
You might be a redneck if your dad bought you a gallon of Peptol-Bismol for Christmas.
You might be a redneck if your wedding reception included a beer brunch!
You might be a redneck if you have more than one brother named Darryl!
You might be a redneck if you wonder how service stations keep their bathrooms so clean!
You're a redneck if you hear the phrase "Take out the trash" and shoot your mother-in-law.
You might be a redneck if you're late for your wedding because you were at a monster truck rally.
You might be a redneck if the roof of your truck is higher than the roof of your house.
-How many rednecks, does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to hold the bulb, and two to turn the ladder.
You might be a redneck if Jack Daniels makes your list of ''Most Admired People!''
You might be a redneck if 29 out of the 30 words you use aren't in the dictionary!
You've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws.
You think a stock tip is
advice on worming' your hogs.
You think Sherlock Holmes is a
housing project down in Biloxi.
You think TACO BELL is
the Mexican Phone Company
Your state's got a new law that says when a couple
get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.
Your house still has the
"WIDE LOAD"
sign on the back.
Non
Athletic
Sport
Created
Around
Rednecks
Your sister is the third generation
of women in your family to conceive
a baby as a result of an alien abduction.
You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
You hooked up with your present girlfriend
as a result of a message on the wall of
the mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop.
You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
You and your dog use the same tree.
You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.
You think the last words to
The Star Spangled Banner are
"Gentlemen, start your engines."
You think watching professional
wrestling is foreplay.
The people on Jerry Springer's show
remind you of your neighbors
Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow.
But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.
You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took
You think fast food is hitting a possum at 65 mph.
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
You take a six-pack cooler to church.
Your family tree has no forks.
You had to remove a toothpick
for your wedding pictures.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
Someone asks to see your ID and you
show them your buckle.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart
'cause there is a law against it.
You could be a redneck if you were just married and you have nothing but empty Skoal cans strung from your bumper as you leave the church.
-What's the last thing a redneck says before he dies?
Hey! Watch this...
You might be a redneck if your baby's first words were, "Attention, K-mart shoppers."
You might be a redneck if you have ever vacationed in a highway rest area.
-How does a redneck take a bubblebath?
With water, bubblebath liquid and a Jeff Foxworthy CD.
You might be a redneck if you like to brag you learned to fire a shotgun before you could walk!
You might be a redneck if your grandma goes to the bathroom and comes out yelling "Come look before I flush it!"
You might be a redneck if you see a sign that says ''Just Say No To Crack'' and it reminds you to pull up your pants!
You might be a redneck if you go to your family reunion to meet women.
You know you're a redneck if you do all of your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.
You might be a redneck if you think loading the dishwasher means getting the wife drunk!
You might be a redneck if it takes two twinkies, a beer and your sister to get to second base.
You might be a redneck if your mother has ammo on her Christmas list!
You might be a redneck if you lit a match in your bathroom it blew your house off its wheels!
You might be a redneck if your dad bought you a gallon of Peptol-Bismol for Christmas.
You might be a redneck if your wedding reception included a beer brunch!
You might be a redneck if you have more than one brother named Darryl!
You might be a redneck if you wonder how service stations keep their bathrooms so clean!
You're a redneck if you hear the phrase "Take out the trash" and shoot your mother-in-law.
You might be a redneck if you're late for your wedding because you were at a monster truck rally.
You might be a redneck if the roof of your truck is higher than the roof of your house.
-How many rednecks, does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to hold the bulb, and two to turn the ladder.
You might be a redneck if Jack Daniels makes your list of ''Most Admired People!''
You might be a redneck if 29 out of the 30 words you use aren't in the dictionary!
You've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws.
You think a stock tip is
advice on worming' your hogs.
You think Sherlock Holmes is a
housing project down in Biloxi.
You think TACO BELL is
the Mexican Phone Company
Your state's got a new law that says when a couple
get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.
Your house still has the
"WIDE LOAD"
sign on the back.
Non
Athletic
Sport
Created
Around
Rednecks
Your sister is the third generation
of women in your family to conceive
a baby as a result of an alien abduction.
You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
You hooked up with your present girlfriend
as a result of a message on the wall of
the mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop.
You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
You and your dog use the same tree.
You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.
You think the last words to
The Star Spangled Banner are
"Gentlemen, start your engines."
You think watching professional
wrestling is foreplay.
The people on Jerry Springer's show
remind you of your neighbors
Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow.
But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.
You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took
You think fast food is hitting a possum at 65 mph.
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
You take a six-pack cooler to church.
Your family tree has no forks.
You had to remove a toothpick
for your wedding pictures.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
Someone asks to see your ID and you
show them your buckle.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart
'cause there is a law against it.